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Everyone is talking—and tweeting—about the jarring video of Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice punching and knocking out his now wife Janay Rice. Among all of the views and posts, Beverly Gooden, who herself is a survivor of domestic violence, started tweeting with the #WhyIStayed hashtag. Some of her messages:
 

I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn’t cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I had to plan my escape for months before I even had a place to go and money for the bus to get there. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I stayed because I was halfway across the country, isolated from my friends and family. And there was no one to help me. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

Earlier today, Gooden appeared on Good Morning America with Dr. Phil McGraw to discuss the topic further. She explained that she started the #WhyIStayed hashtag “to, one, give voice to the people out there who had that voice taken away,” She added, “I think what bothered me most was the question was ‘Why did she stay?’ and not ‘Why did he hit her?’…I really want to change the conversation.”

MORE: The Shocking Truth About Domestic Violence

Gooden also had more must-hear things to say regarding why she did stay with her ex-husband. “I think the main reason why I didn’t leave—and I think this is underestimated a lot—is that I loved him,” she said in the segment. “I loved him, I believed in him. I believed what he said when he said he wouldn’t do it again. I trusted him. I was afraid of him. All of these reasons are invalidated a lot in the public eye as bad reasons why you stay. Fear is real. I was afraid of him because of the abuse. I was afraid if he would hurt me after I left. And all of those things are valid. And staying, although it may seem like a bad decision, sometimes it’s the only decision a woman can make.”

MORE: When Your Partner Is Abusive

It’s an important point that must be emphasized—it is sometimes more dangerous to leave. ”Because the abuser panics—it’s like [they’re] losing control—so they ratchet it up even more and more and more,” explained Dr. Phil, who has testified on Capitol Hill on the issue of domestic violence. “And the number one rule needs to be safety. I would hate for this debate to spur women to just precipitously jump up and either confront their abuser or leave without a plan.” For example, Gooden told GMA that she used a list from domestic violence websites that instructed her to save money and keep a hidden bag of clothing, toiletries, and personal items that she could get out with quickly if necessary.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, you can learn steps to take to end the cycle here. You can also call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). 

MORE: 5 Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship