Meditation. Are you now thinking of monks and incense, white robes and chanting? Welcome to 2015, where meditation and the overused and misunderstood “mindfulness†is moving to mainstream. I am embracing it and practicing it and I get it. But, I don’t talk about it too much and I get funny looks and hints of fear (for my sanity?) when I mention that I meditate. I am not a religious person nor have I given up my worldly possessions. I am an executive who has put work before life and relationships for too many years. I am someone who wants to accept people and life for their messy and unpredictable reality and not try to fight them, change them or worry about them.
In 2005, my husband and I quit our jobs, sold our house and moved to New Zealand. We were working long hours and struggling to find time for ourselves. I was devoting too much time and money moving up the designer shoe chain. (I had reached Jimmy Choo with $600 strappy metallic green pieces of heaven). I realized my values were messed up. There had to be more to life. So, we sold our house and moved to a small town (4,000 residents) in the South Island of New Zealand. We were in NZ for over 8 years and when I came back to the U.S., I vowed to not return to the desire/buy/covet cycle again. Soon after our return to the Bay Area in 2013, I started my meditation practice.
I would like to offer my definition of meditation. It is sitting still while you try to quiet the noise that occupies your mind. It is time spent alone, in silence, trying to let go of the constant chatter in your mind. Most of the chatter is not very pleasant or helpful. When I sit quietly, here is what happens in my mind:
*Worry — I make up scenarios of what might happen tomorrow and worry about all of them
*Regret – -I replay past conversations or actions and wallow in regret about them
*Planning — I make repetitive lists of things I need to do
*Wandering — I go on holidays or buy shoes (It’s Prada lately I must admit)
*Anger/Resentment/Jealousy — I have negative thoughts and feelings about other people
Why do I meditate? I meditate because I don’t want worry, regret and anger to occupy my energy. I don’t want to live in the past or the future; I want to be fully present now. I want to enjoy every vibrant interaction in the moment. I want to be a better person, a more kind, forgiving and compassionate person. Meditation won’t stop the worry, regret and anger from rising up in my mind, but, through practice, I will improve my ability to let these thoughts pass as quickly as they arise.
So, what is so scary about any of that? Why does the thought of being quiet with no company but your mind create fear in the bravest of souls? How can we be afraid of our own thoughts and feelings?
I would like to challenge you to try this for five minutes. Sit in a quiet room by yourself with no phone, tablet or computer. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Try to be a spectator to your thoughts. Watch them come at you with dizzying speed. Just breathe and watch. Nothing else. Five minutes. Where does your mind go?