‘My Husband Tried To Divorce Me Over Trump’: What To Do When Politics Are Wrecking Your Life

When Nell S.’ husband told her he was considering divorcing her, the 34-year-old climate scientist and mother of one was in complete shock. It was three months after the super-heated 2016 election of Donald Trump and she already felt like her world was falling apart.

“I felt like I was in danger of losing my job, my safety as a woman, and even my sanity,” she says. “And now this, on top of everything else? Divorce? Really?”

But it was her husband’s reasoning that put her over the edge: President Trump. It wasn’t that her husband, a fellow scientist, necessarily loved the new president but he did think Nell wasn’t giving him a fair chance. He felt like Nell had become obsessed with all things political, and was ignoring him and their son to spend hours a day on Twitter and pouring over news articles that only presented one side. “He said all I could talk about was politics and I didn’t hear anything else anyone was saying to me,” she says. “And, as tough as it was, I realized he was right. I was miserable.”

Thankfully, instead of heading to divorce court, the couple headed to therapy, becoming one of many couples trying to navigate a relationship despite having opposing political views. The therapist helped Nell set boundaries in her life to keep political talk in check, such as limiting her time on social media and saving political discussions at home for certain times of day. Nell says that she and her husband are now much happier, and that they’ve been able to refocus on common causes (like climate change) that they’re both passionate about.

But it’s not just romantic relationships that are under increased strain in our current intense political climate—childhood friendships, parents and children, coworkers, cousins, grandparents, and every other close interpersonal relationships are feeling the pain of politics these days.

Related: 7 Couples Therapists Share How They Know A Relationship Is Doomed

“It’s everywhere. I can’t remember a time, not even during the Vietnam war, where there was as much venom and animosity as there is now,” says Gary Brown, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, adding he’s seen a massive uptick in clients with these issues over the past decade. “Even people who deeply love each other are falling victim to the ‘politics of personal destruction’ where it’s not enough to disagree with someone but you have to destroy them and everything they stand for in the process.”

Certain op-eds and social media threads may make political debate seem like a life-or-death issue. The current discourse seems to emphasize that if you don’t constantly engage people whose views differ from yours, you are essentially complicit in allowing those views to persist. However, there’s a difference between choosing your battles and staying completely silent, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love. Lombardo emphasizes that it’s perfectly fine to set boundaries about what you’re willing to discuss and who you’re willing to engage with—it doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the issues.

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So how do we keep political divides from dividing us from our loved ones? We asked leading psychologists for a guide to maintaining close relationships with those we cherish—even (especially!) if they disagree with our political views.